I have shed so many tears in the last week as more VBAC/cesarean/medical intervention stories come pouring in my inbox. As a survivor I relive the helplessness, the pain, that captured feeling over and over each time I read one.
I find myself needing a break from it. So I get up, only to be called back with the knowing that what I am doing is important. It heals – this telling. And so I am drawn back to the viewing window. Feeling like a voyeur of the ugly truth about modern childbirth. Each story pushes me forward yet a bit of me dies too as I relive my own births. Each with too much intervention. Each one I am thankful ended with a “healthy baby” but I mourn the loss of ME with each birth. After 4 children, there is alot missing.
I had 3 successful VBAC’s. Successful in that I was able to birth vaginally. gone is my “CPD” diagnosis. But the “failure to progress” title I acquired with 3 of the 4 births haunts me still. Pitocin. Stripping of the cervix. Break my water. Even though I “got my VBAC” alot was stolen. these are the stories that realy hanut me – the torture that is medical childbirth. So another book begins it’s conception period…
On a more factual note, ICAN has not only offered to help me publish this book but their editing services and promotional help as well. They are officially endorsing this project. What they do is SO important. If you haven’t been to their website GO NOW. There are local chapters, email loops, statistics (much of which will be included in my book) and SUPPORT as you journey towards a normal birth.