A friend of mine wrote this into an email group I’m a part of. I thought her musings were worthy of a bigger audience. What questions must we struggle with while the medical establishment continues to refuse evidence-based care to VBAC women?? And how much more profitable would this time be if spent on labor preparation, healthy eating, exercise, emotional/psychological prep for birth? Family? NOT a fun thing to be grappling with during the last few weeks of pregnancy yet this post could have been written by SO many women in similar situations. Concerning…
Posted by: “Lori” ~ Sun Feb 24, 2008 6:56 pm (PST)
I recently had a conversation with my OB that left me feeling betrayed, deceived and angry. At my 36 week appointment, she informed me that if I reached 40 weeks without going into labor, we would have to have a discussion about RCS [repeat cesarean section]. Early in the pregnancy, I had asked her “What happens if I reach 40 weeks without going into labor?” I don’t remember what she actually said at that point, but for sure it didn’t include RCS! So I’ve been bitterly complaining about it to anyone who’ll listen, feeling outraged and declaring I couldn’t trust her anymore.Then it finally occurred to me that *of course* I couldn’t trust her – our relationship was already built on deception, and I have to take the blame for that.
Very early in this pregnancy, I was invited to ICAN and this list, and it didn’t take long for me to do the research and do the math: My best chance for VBAC is homebirth, homebirth is at least as safe a choice as hospital birth, therefore I will find a homebirth midwife and plan a HBAC.
I considered dropping my OB, but after discussions with my mw’s and some consideration, it seemed best to continue seeing her, to maintain the relationship in case I need to transfer during labor, or in case something were to come up before then that the mw’s weren’t equipped to handle. But I chose not to let my OB in on this plan. I was (and still am!) positive that she would never support my HBAC plans; at the same time, she appears to be one of the very few and perhaps one of the best options for a hospital VBAC in my area. And I find it difficult to conceive of finding an OB who would support HBAC – has anyone encountered such a creature recently, I wonder?
I think there are a lot of women in this neck of the woods in my situation, who do the very same thing. And I don’t really feel *guilty* about deceiving her – although I can’t say I’m thrilled about it. But it finally occurred to me tonight that it’s pretty silly of me to feel so outraged at her seemingly underhanded last-minute whammy. Every interaction with her is necessarily colored by mistrust. Is it possible to really trust someone whom you yourself are betraying in some way? It’s certainly a rotten basis for a healthy relationship of any kind.
I find I am a lot less angry with my OB after thinking about the situation this way. I still don’t trust her – and I can’t say I’m happy about how late in the pregnancy this RCS thing came up – but I don’t really blame her so much, because I can’t know how much of my reaction is because of the situation itself.
I am (once again) saddened and frustrated by the state of affairs of childbirth in the U.S. that forces many women into these suboptimal choices. If only VBAC weren’t such a hot potato… if only the OB’s and hospitals weren’t driven more by fear of litigation or their bottom line than by concern for their patients… if only the childbirth climate or culture in the U.S. were more enlightened….
Well, if anyone has made it through my navel-gazing, I’d be glad to have your thoughts on the subject. 
~Lori
Indeed Lori: “If only . . .”
