is sickening and distasteful to me, in whatever form it takes. Many make arguments that “their prejudice is founded” like, “Chinese are always good in math.” or “African American women have big butts.” or “Women are too emotional to be in politics.” and recently, “You don’t know what you’re talking about because you’ve never had a homebirth.” or “You’re going to be a medically minded midwife because that’s all you know. Medical births.”

Ok. So I’ve never given birth at home. And that experience is just that: and EXPERIENCE. I admit fully that I do not have that personal experience. Does that make me a “junior” in all things homebirth? I don’t think so. Admittedly I don’t have the personal experience of having birthed at home, yet. But I take offense at the notion that I cannot understand how to “trust birth” because I’ve never had to. Bull. Here’s my “trust birth” story.

I layed in a hospital bed with my first child, who was posterior, for 31 hours after my water broke. The last 8 were Pitocin augmented. Hard contractions. No support. My husband went for a haircut, brought Hardee’s for his breakfast back to my room while I starved, and watched television. I had no pain relief. I wouldn’t take it. I pushed for 4 hours. Almost 5 until they wheeled me into the operating room for an “emergency cesarean” for CPD. No one told me until weeks later that he had been brow presenting. The forceps wouldn’t budge him, the vaccum extractor didn’t budge him. I couldn’t budge him. ( I know this was all the fault of my OB and the attending nurses for a meriad of reasons. That’s not the point of the story.)

I BELIEVED I could birth my baby. I TRUSTED my body to do what it needed to. All the way to the OR I believed we were making a mistake. Too tired to fight anymore I gave up and gave in. But I “trusted birth” while hindered, drugged, scared, manipulated and assaulted and betrayed by my former husband and caregivers. I TRUSTED BIRTH in the most trying of circumstances.

Again when my youngest had sticky shoulders and (again on my back because the OB refused to catch if I didn’t lay down). She was prepping the OR while I did the McRoberts maneuver on myself and popped him out.

For those mamas who have had the priviledge of never birthing in a hospital or at least it was a one-time experience of which they have happily erased many of the memories, I find it appalling that my thoughts, desires and opinions as a student midwife would be called into question simply because I have not had that same priviledge. Some of the comments haven’t been blatant about it, but in a patronizing, pat on the head sortof way I have heard the message, “You just don’t understand.”

I TRUST BIRTH. You can’t say you really do until you’ve had to. I’ve had to. I do. I will.